"Pure" Intentions? Escobar’s Brother is Creating a Cryptocurrency

Mar 28, 2018  David Kieve, Cryptopunk

The OG

Pretty much everybody heard about the infamous Colombian drug lord, Pablo Escobar. Well, despite being on your screens quite a bit via biographical movies and TV shows, the original Escobar is still dead.

Meet Roberto

His brother is another story. When Pablo was slinging cocaine, Roberto was much more in meth… math. He did serve 11 years in jail for being the accountant of his brother’s drug cartel - a seemingly cruel and unusual punishment for having the most boring job in the gang. What was his criminal nickname, Roberto the Carried Interest?

Old Escobar, New Money

Remember how they said that Bitcoin is used for drugs? Most in the crypto world saw right through this FUD, but maybe good old Roberto the Calculator took the crypto-drug association at face value. Or maybe he wanted to carve out a name of his own to finally get out from underneath his brother’s shady shadow.

There are, of course, drug-themed cryptocurrencies, all related to cannabis in name and intention: PotCoin, HempCoin, and so on. Which one do you think will win out? Put them through a realistic simulator to test your skills and intuition!

That’s some weird bit

If Roberto’s cryptocurrency was just drug money, that would be simple enough. Yet he created something entirely different - and much more bizarre. Roberto dubbed his coin Dietbitcoin, with the ticker being DXX. This raises so many questions:

What’s so dietary about this coin? Does he expect it to have less “weight” in the crypto world? Did he misspell “DieBitCoin”? Or maybe he even meant to call it the “DiabloCoin” and really got the letters mixed up. Is Dietbitcoin a fork of Bitcoin? Apparently it isn’t - so why use the Bitcoin name (other than to profit from having the word “bitcoin” in the name, much like the Long Island Iced Tea company profited from adding “blockchain” to their company name). Why DXX as the ticker? Was DBC taken? Is he really trying for DXXX in order to run a porn empire?

Offer you can’t refuse

Roberto does list some technical specifications for this coin. And even has an ICO planned out. Better yet, get in on the pre-ICO so you can get these not-really-bitcoin-nor-diet coins at a 99.8% discount. That’s right, he promises to sell DXX for 0.2% of their expected ICO price to those who get in on the pre-ICO. Must make ICO participants really “happy.”

Man of el libro

Don’t take Roberto lightly, though - he has already published a 280-page ebook outlining his vision for Dietbitcoin. This may seem like a lot of pages, but you just try enough of his brother’s product and you may write a 10,000 page ebook in one sitting.

You can’t handle the truth, gringo

Roberto’s given reasons for creating DXX are simple: all other cryptos - especially Bitcoin - are scams run by the U.S. government. Roberto knows this with a hundred billion million percent certainty. After all, Roberto met Satoshi Nakamoto - the mysterious founder of Bitcoin whom no one else has seen nor can even be sure he exists. But hey, we can trust Roberto the Powdered Abacus - why would the brother of the most infamous drug kingpin with zero connection to cryptocurrencies and horrible branding skills make stuff up? One would have to be pretty coked up to invent something this crazy.